If you spent all of your teen years imagining sex as a passionate, transcendent melding of two souls one of whom happened to be Robert Pattinson , you may have been shocked when you finally did the deed and found out that sex is gross. Oh, actually, wait, let me amend that: sex is really gross. Sure, it can still be a beautiful transcendent melding of two souls — but the kind of transcendent melding that incorporates stray bodily fluids , strange noises, and the occasional wayward butt crack hair. Also, it almost never involves Robert Pattinson. Why did everyone lie to you?! Though most of us are embarrassed when our sex lives get gross , gross sex is actually the rule, not the exception.
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Seriously, if that sudden pop! But those are all things I can usually avoid. However, there was once a fear — worse than a zombified roach catapulting from a biscuit-y cannon — that I was forced to stare straight in the eye.